Ever since I got back from my three and a half months in the US, I’ve not really been feeling like myself. I noticed that I got angry a lot. At myself, and at the world. It made me feel mad, then sad. And finally just empty. That’s why I’ve decided to start a new project: Project Self Love. Today, I’m telling you why.
As you may have read in this blog post, I’ve been struggling with confidence for a really long time. Just because I never really felt like I deserved to be confident. I’ve always felt like the odd one out. I guess you can link that to me getting bullied in middle school and in girl scouts.
Getting bullied really messes up your head. In total, I got bullied for about four years. I never focused on mental health and never really dealt with my issues until eventually, I had to. When I was in junior year, my issues had gotten bigger and bigger. I was sad all the time and if I wasn’t sad, I was angry and if I wasn’t angry, I felt empty and useless. That’s when I started seeing a psychologist. After a few appointments, we found out I had developed OCD, anxiety disorder and zero confidence.
I kept on seeing my psychologist every week for a year and together, we got through everything and got rid of my OCD and most of my anxiety. And even though we did do something to up my confidence, we never quite got to the point I wanted to be. Even now, I’m still not there.
When I got back from the US, I started feeling those same things again: anger, sadness, emptiness. Only, this time, I’m not waiting to get better. That’s why I started Project Self Love. This next month, I am going to do everything I can to start loving the person I am. How?
Over the course of this next month, I’m going to try to focus on exercise, healthy eating and mental health. I’m hoping that at the end of this month, I’ll feel a lot better and that I’ll be able to keep doing this because it’s become a habit. The reason why I’m sharing this with you is because I know there’s people out there who feel the same as I do and don’t know what to do. So, you can join if you want to! Post your pictures and tweets with #ProjectSelfLove and let’s do this together.
It’s okay to feel sad or nothing at all, it’s okay to tell people about your history with mental health and it’s okay to feel like you don’t really belong. As long as you know you’re never truly alone and that you are a strong person, you’ll get through this. So will I.
Photo: Sophie Ariën